


Into Temptation

by Robin Hood (kjack89)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Crack Treated Seriously, Developing Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:23:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood
Summary: "There's just nopointtrying to corrupt human souls in Manhattan," Rafael complained to the closest thing he had to a friend, an angel he’d had a run in with over the centuries currently operating under the name Rita Calhoun.Rita was currently masquerading as a defense attorney; Barba's assignment was being an Assistant District Attorney.You might expect their positions to be reversed, for a demon to be in charge of defending the worst monsters humanity had to offer while an angel would be the one to send them to what sentence they deserved.You'd be wrong.Rita was the one in the business of redemption, after all.Rafael was more about punishment, of both the earthly and hellish variety.





	Into Temptation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AHumanFemale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHumanFemale/gifts).



> Because who doesn't enjoy some casual Sunday blasphemy?
> 
> For AHF, who got me into Lucifer, which partially inspired this and also caused a resurgence of Good Omens feels, which also partially inspired this. Also in hopes it helps make her feel a little bitter in the throes of the flu <3 I love you, darling!
> 
> Much thanks to barbaxcarisi for the beta!
> 
> Usual disclaimer. Please be kind and tip your fanfic writers in the form of comments and/or kudos!

There was no mandatory curriculum to passing "Being a Demon 101", but if there had been, the only class Rafael Barba knew for sure would be a part of it would be punishment.

All demons had to understand the most minute details of any specific punishment if they wanted to do the most damage to humans’ mortal souls after all.

And Rafael’s own punishment was no less torturous.

A century of compulsory service in the single worst bureau a demon could be assigned: New York City.

"There's just no _point_ trying to corrupt human souls in Manhattan," Rafael complained to the closest thing he had to a friend, an angel he’d had a run in with over the centuries currently operating under the name Rita Calhoun, also on a punishment assignment in Manhattan, though Rafael hadn't yet been able to suss out what, exactly, she had done to piss off the powers that be.

Rita was currently masquerading as a defense attorney; Barba's assignment was being an Assistant District Attorney.

You might expect their positions to be reversed, for a demon to be in charge of defending the worst monsters humanity had to offer while an angel would be the one to send them to what sentence they deserved.

You'd be wrong.

Rita was the one in the business of redemption, after all.

Rafael was more about punishment, of both the earthly and hellish variety.

Of course, Rafael wasn’t _technically_ a demon, but it was a subtle difference between being a Fallen Angel and being a creature spawned in the bowels of Hell.

"Humans already inflict the worst damage upon themselves without any help from us," Rafael continued, taking a sip of coffee, his feet propped up on his desk. 4000 years he'd been on this earth, give or take a few centuries, and he had yet to find any drink as damned good as coffee, though scotch was a close second.

"Without any help from _you_ ," Rita corrected smoothly from where she was seated across from him. "Besides, I don't know why you're complaining. You have the easy assignment. I'm the one in charge of redeeming those who don't even wish to be saved."

Rafael considered that for a moment. "Fair point," he allowed. “But that’s what you get for not Falling with me when you had the chance.” Rita rolled her eyes, but before she could retort, probably to again extol the virtues of Heaven as if Rafael hadn’t spent enough time there back in the day to know better, his phone vibrated on his desk and he picked it up and glanced down at the waiting desk. “Duty calls,” he sighed, taking his feet off his desk and sitting up.

“Fun new case for SVU?” Rita asked with mild interest.

Rafael snorted. “Something like that, anyway,” he muttered. “Though I wouldn’t go trolling for souls to save just yet. Besides, there’s a new detective starting, so I’ll at least have a new subject to torture.”

Rita pursed her lips, her eyes narrowing. “They’re good people, Rafael.”

Rafael shrugged. “Good people with dark sides,” he said evenly. “And with very little effort from me. Rollins will probably relapse in her gambling addiction sooner or later, Amaro will full-on snap one of these days, and, Hell, Liv will probably beat a perp half to death, and all without me having to lift a finger.”

“Your very presence enhances the darkness inside of them,” Rita argued. It was an old argument, one they’d had many times over the centuries. They’d never yet come to a satisfactory conclusion.

“And for the moment, my very presence is the one thing that I am required to maintain,” Rafael shot back. “Unless you’d like to take it up with Hell.” Rita’s glare deepened and Rafael smirked. “I thought not.”

They both stood and Rita smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles from her skirt. “On the off chance that SVU’s newest detective’s soul hasn’t been quite as corrupted as the rest of the squad’s, try not to darken it too much on their first day.”

“Who, me?” Rafael asked with mock-innocence. “I would never do such a thing.”

Rita sighed. “Just _try_ , Rafael.”

He held the door to office open for her and smirked. “Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I’ll do my worst.”

Rita sighed again, a bone-deep sigh only possible after centuries of similar antagonism. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

* * *

 

All things considered, Rafael was in as good a mood as possible when he strolled into the squad room, though judging by the grim look on Olivia’s face as she greeted him, his mood wasn’t bound to continue. Sure enough, as she filled him in, he could feel his good mood slipping away, replaced by a millennia-old weariness.

At least, until he caught sight of the tall, gangly man hovering over Olivia’s shoulder, practically bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. Upon repeat viewing, he’d be able to tell that SVU’s newest detective had the world’s most hideous mustache, and dimples, and clear blue eyes that reminded Rafael of flying through the sky.

It’d been too long since he’d last stretched his wings.

But he noticed none of those things at first glance. Instead, the only thing he noticed was that the man was brimming with Light.

Pure, almost Angelic Light, bright enough that Rafael had to do a double take to verify that the man was, in fact, human and not Divine.

Rafael blinked and tore his eyes away from the man to look back at Olivia. “Liv, have you adopted a stray puppy?”

Olivia blinked, confused, before glancing over her shoulder at the detective. “Oh, of course,” she said with a light chuckle. “Barba, this is Det. Dominick Carisi, Jr. Detective, this is ADA Rafael Barba.”

Carisi _brightened_ , if at all possible, seemingly recognizing the name. “Oh, wow,” he said, holding his hand out for Rafael to shake. “Mr. Barba, it’s an honor—”

“I’m sure it is,” Rafael interjected smoothly, drinking in the way Carisi’s cheeks flushed, just slightly. “But perhaps we can save the ass-kissing for a later point.”

The flush spread, and Rafael tracked its progression with his eyes, a small smirk crossing his face as he wondered just how far it might spread — and wondering just how much temptation it would take for him to get to discover that for himself.

Rafael had many tools in his arsenal for tempting humans into sin, but he so rarely got to see the lustful ones through to their natural conclusion. But perhaps now was the time…

“Barba?”

Rafael glanced at Olivia, realizing a moment too late that he’d been staring. “Right,” he said, taking the file from her. “I will get you those warrants. Anything else comes up, call me.”

With that, he strode away, well aware that the detective’s eyes were on him and relishing the feeling.

Of course, he didn’t expect the detective to actually _follow_ him, but apparently being filled with nigh-Angelic Light left very little for the man to have something like common sense.

“Hey, Mr. Barba!”

Rafael jabbed the button for the elevator and sighed before turning back to Carisi and raising an expectant eyebrow. “Did you need something, Detective?”

Carisi offered him a tentative smile that Rafael did not return. “Uh, not need, I guess, but, uh…”

He hesitated and Rafael stepped into the elevator doors as they opened. “You have about five seconds to spit it out,” he said.

Instead, Carisi followed him into the elevator. “I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I’m really looking forward to working with you,” he said, that same smile still on his face. “Your reputation is pretty well known around here.”

Rafael smirked. “Oh, you have no idea,” he said.

Carisi blinked, but didn’t question Rafael’s meaning, showing more restraint than Rafael thought was frankly possible. “Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I’m, uh, I’m actually in law school — night school at Fordham. And, uh…” He trailed off. “I’m just really looking forward to learning from you.”

Rafael’s smirk sharpened. “And I’m really looking forward to teaching you.” The elevator doors dinged open and Rafael stepped out. “Dominick.”

“Call me Sonny,” Carisi said, seemingly by reflex.

Rafael ignored him, instead turning to look at Carisi once more. “You know, St. Dominic is the patron saint of astronomers.”

Carisi stared blankly at him. “Uh, I’m sure he is,” he said, his inflection turning the statement into a question.

Rafael glanced into those guileless blue eyes and managed as close to a genuine smile as he was able. “He and I have that in common,” he said, with a hint of amusement at his own inside joke, and Carisi’s brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what Rafael was talking about. “See you around, Detective.”

“See you around!” Carisi called after him, and Rafael allowed himself another smile as he walked outside.

Oh, yes.

He was going to enjoy this.

* * *

 

Rita didn’t get it.

“I mean, sure, he’s handsome enough, as far as humans go,” she said, sipping her gin martini as Rafael swirled his glass of scotch. She had met Carisi a handful of times now through her work, and didn’t find him nearly as intriguing as Rafael did. “But he’s no more interesting than any other human. And whatever you think you see of Divinity or Light in him, I’ve yet to witness.” She paused and gave Rafael a look. “Unless you consider golden retrievers to also be filled with Light.”

“I’ve often said that dogs are closer to the Almighty than humans,” Rafael said, “but that’s not the point. He’s…” He trailed off, searching for the right words. “He’s like a glimpse of the Divine here in my own personal Hell.”

Rita smirked. “Perhaps you’re being called Home,” she suggested lightly. “Perhaps this is a reminder of all you could have if you would just—”

“What, repent my wicked ways?” Rafael said dryly. “Beg the Father for forgiveness?” He took a swig of scotch. “Man may be saved by grace alone but the Fallen aren’t so lucky. Besides which, you forget — I’ve been to Heaven. And it’s boring.”

“A good enough reason to damn yourself for eternity,” Rita countered coolly, taking another sip of her martini. “But getting back to the detective — I will grant you that he has a pure soul, purer than I think most cops I’ve ever met. Perhaps you’re just so used to darkness that you’re mistaking a little bit of light for, well, Light.”

Rafael shrugged. “Maybe,” he said, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good to argue the point further with Rita. Instead, he smirked at her. “I guess I’ll find out when he comes to my office tomorrow night for a little one-on-one study session.”

Rita’s eyes narrowed. “How did you pull that off?” she asked warily.

“Believe it or not, _I_ didn’t do anything,” Rafael said. “He came to my of his own accord, asked for my help going over some cases for class.” He paused as he finished his drink. “All I did was agree to help him.”

Rita sighed and she gestured to the bartender for another round, waiting until Rafael had a fresh glass of scotch in hand before telling him, her voice low, “Don’t do this, Rafael.”

“Do what? Help my colleague at his own request?” Rafael asked, laughing, but Rita didn’t smile.

“I may not see the divinity in him that you saw, but that doesn’t change the fact that Det. Carisi is a good man. And he deserves to stay that way.”

Rafael’s smile faded. “Whatever you think I’m capable of, I can assure you, I have no interest in tempting Det. Carisi.”

Rita snorted, a particularly angelic sound. “You have _every_ interest in tempting Carisi.”

“Well, in _that_ regard, certainly,” Rafael said, again smiling. “Even you have to admit that he looks much better now that he’s gotten rid of the mustache, and he’d look even better out of those hideously oversized clothes.”

His smirk made his meaning clear, and Rita choked on her sip of martini. “Rafael,” she hissed, and Rafael rolled his eyes.

“I’m a demon, it’s in my nature,” he said, almost bored. “Besides, it’s not like it’s a sin, no matter what the various segments of the Church still preach.”

“I’m not going to get bogged down in another lecture on how incorrectly Leviticus is interpreted,” Rita said, rolling her eyes. “I was there when it was transcribed, I’m well aware of its intended meaning.” Rafael just raised his eyebrows innocently as he took a sip of scotch and Rita affixed a scowl to her face. “Besides which, whether… _that_ is a sin isn’t the point.”

“Then please, Rita, before my immortal soul outlasts everyone on this earth, tell me, what _is_ the point?”

Rita glared at him. “The point is that you need to not be so myopic,” she snapped. “You think that just because you’re too lazy to exert an effort, you have no effect on any of the humans you interact with. Your very _nature_ is to spread darkness and temptation, lest you forget, and it’s past time you realized that you do that without even knowing it.”

Rafael leaned in, stil smirking, and deliberately switched his gaze from Rita’s eyes to her lips. “Tell me,” he murmured, mere inches from her, “have I spread darkness and temptation to _you_?”

“I am not human,” Rita said, after a long moment, and Rafael’s smirk widened.

“And that didn’t answer my question,” he sighed, moving closer still so that they were a hair’s breadth apart. “And if I haven’t somehow managed to tempt you after all these years, perhaps the detective is also made of stronger stuff that you give him credit for.”

His lips just brushed against Rita’s and Rita closed her eyes and swallowed, hard. Rafael used her momentary distraction to steal her martini and drain it before she could open her eyes again to glare at him. “Demon,” she hissed.

“Guilty as charged,” Rafael said cheerfully. “But don’t worry, Rita, I really do have no intention to tempt Carisi into anything more than a little bit of fun. So unclench, take a deep breath, and order us another round, would you?”

“You’re a menace,” Rita grumbled, but she flagged the bartender down nonetheless, and Rafael just shrugged leisurely.

“Yeah, well, tell me something I don’t know.”

* * *

 

True to his word, Rafael made no effort to tempt Carisi beyond flirting, generally in the form of scathing, barbed comments in his direction, coupled with the occasional opportunity for Carisi to help him — “So that you might actually learn something, Detective, as I’d be remiss to inflict you on the New York state legal system as is.”

He might’ve been content to continue in that vein for the rest of his time with the detective, were it not for a case that set everyone on edge, but no one more so than Rafael and Carisi, for vastly different reasons: the Catholic Church, scourge of Rafael’s existence and salve for Carisi’s soul, trafficking and exploiting underaged girls.

Rafael was generally ambivalent about organized religion — though he still held a grudge against whomever decided that the Book in which his angelic being was mentioned was apocryphal — since they got so much vastly wrong and had basically no impact on Rafael’s ability to tempt most people. But Carisi was one of the exceptions, a “true believer”, so to speak, someone who actually believed in doing good and right and all for the sake of the Big Guy.

If it were anyone else, it’d be enough to make Rafael puke.

But he caught a different side of Carisi during the case, something he hadn’t expected, a darkness inherent in Carisi’s relationship with the Church, and at first, Rafael chalked it up as guilt that the organization he was belonged with would do such a thing, even told him, in an effort to assuage his guilt after they discussed how the monsignor himself was involved, “He came to my office full of righteous anger and lied to my face, and I doubted myself for doubting him. I have no idea how he sustains his act.”

It didn’t seem to be guilt that Carisi was feeling, though, as he brushed that off.

Or at least, not guilty about the sins of the Catholic Church.

But Rafael saw the look on Carisi’s face as the monsignor spat at him, “The cancer isn’t within my Church, it’s in you.”

Rafael knew that the monsignor was referring to NYPD. Judging by the look on Carisi’s face, he thought that the monsignor was referring to him personally — and had reason to be.

Sin was Rafael’s purview. Getting humans to give in to their darkness and then punishing them for it was his literal job description.

This was one sin he wanted no part or knowledge of.

And yet, he couldn’t help but follow Carisi to a bar one night, as the case was winding down, and Carisi looked up at him in surprise as he sat next to him. “Counselor,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Drinking,” Rafael answered. “As, I assume, are you.”

Carisi nodded and lifted his beer bottle in confirmation. “Yeah,” he said. “I, uh, I was at church earlier and now…” He trailed off and shook his head. “Now I’m here, I guess.”

“Well, organized religion has a tendency to drive me to drink, so I get that,” Rafael said lightly.

Carisi managed a half-smile. “Yeah,” he muttered, and they fell into silence as Rafael sipped his scotch and Carisi mostly picked at the label of his beer bottle instead of drinking from it.

Finally, Rafael sighed and said, “I know this case has hit you hard.”

Now Carisi snorted and shook his head, taking a long pull from the bottle. “Yeah, that’s the understatement of the decade,” he said.

Rafael examined him carefully. “Is it the gay thing?”

Carisi looked at him sharply. “How’d you—”

“Detective, I’m going to stop you there before you say something foolish.”

Carisi huffed a dry laugh and drew a hand across his face. “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty obvious, huh?”

“Less so to the untrained eye.” Rafael shrugged. “But let’s just say I know a little something about sin.”

“Are you Catholic?” Carisi asked.

“More or less.”

It wasn’t a lie. Technically.

“So is that what this is about?” Rafael asked, trying to get the conversation back on track and away from any awkward question about faith that he couldn’t quite answer. “The whole ‘homosexuality is a sin’ thing?”

Carisi shook his head, his expression turning contemplative. “It used to be, for awhile. But now…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I’ve been going to Church twice a week during this whole thing, you know? Trying to — I dunno, trying to see God in all of this, I guess. Trying to see how a God of mercy and love could let this happen in His own Church.”

Rafael nodded slowly. “I get that,” he said quietly, because he did.

More than Carisi would ever know.

“And if the God of the Church is the kind of God who would let this happen then…” Carisi glanced around as if he might be overheard by a priest or worse. “Then is that a God worth believing in?”

Carisi sounded lost, and it pained a part of Rafael he hadn’t felt in over a millennia to witness it. Part of him wanted to reassure Carisi of God’s plan, ineffable and incoherent as it may be. But the bigger part of him felt he owed Carisi something more — the truth.

“Do you want to know what I believe, Detective?” he asked, and didn't wait for Carisi to answer. “I think that what it comes down to has nothing to do with God and everything to do with humanity. Every human has light and darkness inside of them. God may have set the world in motion but every human has to choose to act on that light or that darkness.” He stared down into his glass of scotch. “And in my experience, what draws humans toward darkness hasn’t changed in millennia — power, money, greed. And the Church is an organization that has been left to run unfettered for centuries with a combination of all three.”

“But there are still good men in the Church,” Carisi said, his voice low.

Rafael glanced at him. “Of course there are,” he said. “Just as there are good men outside of the Church. Which is my point. The decision to act on the light is still there. Good men make that choice every day. And God has very little to do with that either.”

Carisi nodded slowly. “So what you’re saying is that the corruption within the Church is from man, and not from God.” Rafael shrugged and Carisi frowned. “But then why would God let it happen, let those girls be abused?”

“Why does God let anything bad happen?” Rafael countered. “Why does God let people be raped and murdered every single day? Hell, why did He let Cain murder Abel, or Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit?”

“Free will,” Carisi answered, after a long moment. “Which is what you were getting at, with every human choosing between the light and the dark, isn’t it?”

Rafael gave him a small, strained smile. “Now you’re getting it,” he said.

Carisi nodded again, his expression contemplative. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I think I am. It’s...what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Ineffable,” Rafael supplied, with a small, bitter smile.

“Yeah, sure,” Carisi said, and gave Rafael a tentative smile. “Thanks, Barba.” He reached out and clapped Rafael on the shoulder, letting his touch linger just a little too long. “I, uh, I appreciate you listening to me, talking me off the ledge, so to speak.”

“Well, what else was I going to do?” Rafael asked, mostly rhetorically, and Carisi just laughed and clinked his beer bottle against Rafael’s in a toast.

* * *

 

Rita had several answers for that question, when Rafael finally got around to relaying the story to her. “He was right there,” she said, staring at Rafael with something like incredulity. “Right on the precipice of giving up on his faith. All it would’ve taken was a nudge from you, and he might’ve given up on it forever.”

“He certainly might’ve,” Rafael acknowledged, trying to avoid meeting her eyes.

“But instead, you let him keep his faith intact.” Rita sounded almost surprised even as she said it. “Why?”

Rafael shrugged. “I just gave him the facts,” he said coolly. “And let him draw his own conclusions.”

“But—”

“It wasn’t my place to take his faith,” Rafael snapped, meeting her eyes for the first time. “Ok?”

Rita tapped a fingernail against the polished wood of the bar. She didn’t seem particularly bothered by his outburst. “I don’t think I need to remind you, but you’re a demon. It’s _literally_ your place to take his faith. Or at very least, it’s your job.”

Rafael’s lip curled. “Fine,” he snapped, riled by where he knew her questions were going. “I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No, what I wanted to hear was _why_. Why couldn’t you bring yourself to do it? Why over this human, of all the humans you deal with on a daily basis? What is it about this detective that’s made you lose sight of everything else?”

“I don’t know,” Rafael whispered.

Rita looked at him carefully. “I think you do.”

“Really? What? You think I have some kind of _feelings_ for this human, and that’s why?” Rafael snapped. “I’m a Fallen Angel, the 9th Watcher — the only feelings I have for humans are pity and disdain.”

Rita raised an eyebrow. “I said nothing about feelings,” she said coolly. “In fact what I was going to say is that I think that he brings out what Light you have left in you.”

“I don’t have any Light left in me,” Rafael said, but it felt hollow.

Rita didn’t comment on it, merely shrugging. “Fine. But Rafael…” She hesitated. “If the darkness in Carisi rose once before, there’s a very good chance it’ll rise again. And this time, you might not be there to stop it.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing that he’s the perfect mix of altar boy and boy scout, isn’t it?” Rafael snapped. “Now are we done talking about Carisi?”

“Fine,” Rita said her tone clipped, and the conversation did turn from there.

But Rafael couldn’t get Rita’s words of warning out of his mind, even as Carisi seemed to return to his usual cheerful, Light-filled self.

He also couldn’t seem to stop thinking of Rita’s numerous warnings over the centuries: _Your very nature is to spread darkness and temptation_.

The two thoughts combined made Rafael wary of every interaction with Carisi, even as they grew closer, friendlier — toward everything Rafael had wanted in the most salacious of ways after meeting him.

But even that felt hollow.

And then, of course, the threats happened. Ordinarily, Rafael wouldn’t think anything of a human threatening him, but with his very visible, very public role, temporary discorporation would be more difficult to explain away than he cared to.

Besides, it was worth getting NYPD involved just to watch how righteously angry Carisi got.

Righteous fury looked damned good on Carisi.

So much so that Rafael was having difficulty paying attention as Carisi talked. They were standing in Rafael’s apartment, Carisi ostensibly explaining the security plan, but all Rafael could think was that Carisi’s suit would look so much better on his bedroom floor.

Something of what he was thinking must’ve shown on his face, because Carisi glanced at him, something like amusement in his expression even as his cheeks tinged the most gorgeous shade of pink. “Are you listening to me, Counselor?”

“Of course,” Rafael said quickly, tamping down something close to guilt, Rita’s warning flashing in the back of his mind as he looked up at the detective.

Something flickered in Carisi’s expression, and he took a step closer. “Hey, it’s gonna fine, alright?” he said softly, reaching out to rest a hand against Rafael’s arm and clearly mistaking Rafael’s guilt for fear. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re safe, ok? I would never let anyone hurt you.”

Rafael half-smiled, but before he could say anything — before he could tell Carisi just how misplaced his concern was — Carisi had closed the space between them and kissed him.

Rafael’s eyes fluttered closed the moment Carisi’s lips touched his, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t lean into his touch, his hands resting on Carisi’s hips and pulling him even closer. It was even more perfect than Rafael had allowed himself to imagine in his moments of weakness most unbecoming for a demon, and he opened his mouth against Carisi’s, as if he could drink in the sweet light he could feel emanating from Carisi.

But as Carisi ran his thumb lightly across Rafael’s cheekbone, Rafael stilled. More than just the taste of sweetness on Carisi’s lips, he could taste something far more sinister underneath, something far too familiar, darkness with an iron edge.

 _I would never let anyone hurt you_ , Carisi had said, and Rafael could taste the truth of that statement in the sharp tang of darkness that threatened to rise in Carisi. Those words weren’t hollow — Carisi had meant it, and Rafael realized just what Carisi would be willing to do to stop anyone from hurting him.

He pushed Carisi away with perhaps more force than he meant, his head reeling, and Carisi stumbled backwards. “Barba, what the hell—”

“We can’t do this,” Rafael said, his voice sounding strange and distant.

Carisi stared at him. “What are you talking about? Raf—”

Rafael shook his head, his heart beating painfully in his chest. “Don’t,” he snapped, knowing that his reaction was disproportionate but unable to stop, unable to turn Rita’s words off from echoing in the back of his mind. “Just — thank you, Detective, for arranging my security, but I think you should go now.”

Carisi’s expression clouded. “Sure,” he said sourly. “No problem, Counselor.”

He turned to leave and Rafael couldn’t stop himself. “Sonny—”

Carisi paused, but didn’t turn back. “What?”

“I’m sorry.”

Rafael was. More than he could ever explain.

“Yeah,” Carisi said softly. “So am I.”

Then he was gone, and Rafael was left staring at his closed apartment door and wondering when he had stopped making all the wrong choices.

It was for Carisi’s sake, and wasn’t that something: a Fallen Angel doing something for the sake of one miserable human.

What the Hell was wrong with him?”

Maybe he’d just been on Earth too long, Rafael mused as he went to pour himself a drink. Maybe he needed to put in for a vacation back to Hell.

That must be it. Because the alternative—

Rafael snorted and shook his head, tossing his scotch back in one gulp. “Enough,” he said sternly to himself. There’d be no more thought of Carisi, no more concern about the darkness in one stupid human, nothing like that.

Rafael had better things to do.

And besides, he’d ended it before it could begin, and that meant the whole thing could be forgotten.

* * *

 

But that was easier said than done, especially as the days turned into weeks turned into months and Rafael watched Carisi from afar. Watched as Carisi grew brusque and cold, not just with Rafael, but with everyone, with everything.

The darkness in Carisi was growing, and it appeared Barba’s attempt to nip it in the bud had instead had the opposite effect.

What made it worse was that Rafael didn’t know how to help him.

He had centuries of experience convincing humans to give in to the darkness inside them, but had exactly zero experience stopping someone from doing so.

Luckily, he knew someone who did.

Still, Rafael was hesitant to call Rita in, partially because of his own pride. Admitting there was something he couldn’t do was bad enough, worse even to have to admit that he was concerned about a human.

He didn’t want to have to hear Rita gloat for the next three centuries.

Besides, shouldn’t the humans take care of their own? Shouldn’t Liv or Fin or Rollins realize there was something wrong with Carisi, realize that his happy-go-lucky attitude had disappeared, replaced by something sullen and so far out of character that Rafael wanted to bash their heads together for not noticing.

But they didn’t notice.

And Rafael knew if he didn’t do something soon, Carisi might be lost forever.

“Rafael?” Rita’s voice was already concerned and Rafael’s shoulders hunched against the sound as she sat down next to him at Forlini’s. “You could’ve just called. You didn’t have to…”

She trailed off and Rafael barked a laugh. “I would have, but this is official business, and it only seemed right to summon you the proper way.”

Rita frowned and she gestured at the bartender for a drink. “Official business?” she asked.

“Yes. And before you even start, this is — this isn’t about me. Consider this an intercession.”

Something darkened in Rita’s expression. “Rafael—”

He didn’t let her finish, just barreling forward before he lost the courage to say what he needed to. “It’s Carisi. I know you’ve seen it, I know you’ve _felt_ it. And you...you have a _duty_. It’s your job to save souls. Well, his needs saving, and I need—”

Rafael broke off, but he didn’t need to finish the sentence. Rita had always been able to read him better than anyone else, and judging by the look on her face, she understood exactly what he wasn’t willing to say. “It’s not that easy,” she said softly. “I can’t just snap my fingers and save someone’s soul.”

“What’s the point of being an angel if you can’t,” Rafael muttered before shaking his head. “And I get that, but you can’t tell me that you can’t do _something_.”

Rita hesitated. “I can’t,” she said after a long moment.

Rafael stared at her. “What, just like that?” he asked, incredulous.

Rita sighed and shook her head, taking a sip of her martini. “It’s a choice, Rafael,” she said gently. “You and I guide, in opposite directions, and humanity chooses.” She shrugged. “Carisi’s made his choice.”

“That can’t be the end of it,” Rafael protested, his voice cracking. “I know that’s not the end of it — what about Grace, what about Redemption, what about—”

“I can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

Rita’s voice was still gentle but it hit Rafael like a ton of bricks. “Of course he wants to be saved,” he said blankly. “Carisi’s a good man, you know that, Rita.” She shook her head again, and Rafael felt his heart sink. “Please,” he whispered, almost desperately.

“I’m sorry, Rafael.”

Rafael flinched away from those words, his expression hardening. “Yeah,” he said, grabbing his drink and draining it. “So am I.”

“Where are you going?” Rita asked, concern clear as she watched him stand up from the bar.

He shrugged. “I don’t know, but I have to do something.”

Rita’s expression tightened and she reached out to grab his hand. “Whatever you do, Rafael, don’t do anything you can’t take back.”

Rafael managed a tight, humorless smile. “You forget, Rita,” he said, “redemption was never in the cards for me.” He shook his head. “Besides, I started this, so maybe it’s up to me to end it.”

With that, he left, shrugging his coat on as he headed out into the bitter New York winter.

He didn’t know what he was going to do.

He just knew he had to try.

* * *

 

When an opportunity presented itself in the form of the Householder case, Rafael knew he had to take it. It was the only thing he could think of, the only way he could see to rectify what he had broken: if his presence had caused the darkness in Carisi to rise, then removing himself from the equation was the only way to stop it.

And the only way to remove himself was to make it so that Carisi would feel nothing for him but contempt, and murdering a baby — which was certainly how Carisi would see it — seemed like the most permanent solution.

Rafael had no desire to get caught up in debates over right to die. What he did know was that there was no punishment on Earth or in Hell that he could devise that would be worse for Mrs. Householder than having to watch her child suffer, knowing that there was no action she could take that would save her baby in the end.

And so the plug was pulled and Rafael found himself on trial.

He almost relished the change of pace and were it under any other circumstance, he might even have allowed himself to have fun with using all his demonic powers of persuasion to sway the jury to his side.

But he took no joy in this, and saw the ‘not guilty’ verdict as the death sentence that it was.

The end of Rafael Barba.

He knew it had to happen, knew it as he drafted his letter of resignation, knew it as he packed up his office.

He knew it.

But it didn’t make it easier.

Especially when, only moments after Jack McCoy left his office, someone else showed up, someone Rafael had almost hoped would come. “You know, there’s something I can’t figure out,” Carisi said from his doorway, and Rafael paused, not looking up at him.

“What’s that?” he asked tiredly.

He could hear Carisi take a few steps into his office, but he still didn’t turn. “You told McCoy this was about your father.”

Now Rafael did turn, frowning. “Because it was. Seven years ago—”

“Eighteen.”

Rafael stared at him. “What?”

Carisi took a step toward him. “You told me your father died in 2000. Back when Nick’s dad was on trial, remember?” Rafael froze and Carisi looked at him for a long moment. “So which is it, Counselor?”

“You have a better memory than I give you credit for,” Rafael admitted quietly. “And neither.”

“Neither?” Carisi repeated.

Rafael’s hand curled into a fist against his desk and he couldn’t seem to meet Carisi’s eyes. “I lied.”

“Well, clearly,” Carisi said, “since unless your dad’s a miracle worker, he can’t have died twice.”

Rafael barked a laugh. “My Father, the miracle worker,” he mused bitterly. “You have no idea. But that’s — that’s not what I was referring to.”

“Then what…” Carisi trailed off and Rafael finally looked up at him, just in time to watch realization dawn over Carisi’s face. “You didn’t pull the plug on that baby, did you?”

“No,” Rafael said softly. “I didn’t.”

Carisi stared at him. “Then...why?”

Rafael shrugged. “Because I needed to be free.” Carisi shook his head but Rafael didn’t let him interrupt, finally getting off his chest what he’d been feeling for so long, no matter how much it might hurt. “Because I can’t keep doing this day in and day out, surrounded by the darkness of humanity. Because I can’t keep watching it drain the light from you.”

Carisi jerked back. “What?”

“You—” Rafael shook his head. “You have no idea how special you are, how incredible you are. Or at least, how incredible you used to be, untouched by humanity’s darkness.”

“Rafael, what the hell are you talking about?” Carisi asked, his voice low, almost urgent.

He was looking at Rafael like he was crazy.

And maybe Rafael was.

“I can’t keep watching you being led into temptation,” Rafael said softly. “Not by my hand, or any other’s.”

Carisi’s brow furrowed and he stepped closer, clearly concerned. “Raf—”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael said, huffing a laugh and drawing a hand across his face. “I’m sure I’m doing this all wrong, but I don’t...redemption’s never really been my thing.”

“I swear to God, Raf, if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on—”

Rafael had to bite back a hysterical laugh, because Carisi was _so_ close, so close to the truth, and for a moment, he was tempted to tell him the whole truth. It would be easy enough to unfurl his wings, to watch Carisi’s eyes go wide with wonder. There would be questions and answers and explanations and above all, time. Time to spend together as Rafael revealed himself, time to discover the whole of each other, rather than just the parts.

He could even imagine what Carisi would tell him after Rafael had shown him what he truly was, could picture the way the detective’s eyes would darken as he took a step closer. “I don’t care what you are, Rafael,” Sonny would tell him, his voice breathless, full of that same conviction that Rafael had fallen in love with years ago. “I love you.”

It would be everything he had ever wanted.

And that was exactly why he couldn’t have it.

Rafael understood, at long last. He had thought he was here to tempt Carisi.

But now he knew Carisi was here to tempt him.

This was his punishment. Not his time in Manhattan, but instead being offered this utterly fallible, perfectly human man who stood before him, only to know that if he took him, he would destroy the good inside Carisi forever.

“I told you, Detective,” Rafael managed instead, “I’m not in the business of redemption. And I don’t know how to save you. The only thing I can do is walk away and hope that it’s enough.”

“I don’t understand,” Carisi said, his voice low, and Rafael nodded, picking up the final box of trinkets that had helped build the disguise of ‘Rafael Barba’, the part he had played for long enough, the part he had to leave behind.

“I know,” Rafael told him. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”

It was his turn to close the space between them, as Sonny had done that fateful night almost two years before, and he couldn’t quite stop himself from leaning in and kissing Sonny lightly, cupping Sonny’s cheek with his free hand as he looked into those beautiful blue eyes for the last time.

Betrayed with a kiss.

It seemed fitting.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael repeated, drawing on his dormant powers, demonic powers he hadn’t used in a long time, having very little need for them here. “But now I need you to forget. Forget that you came here tonight, forget this conversation.”

He couldn’t make Sonny forget whatever he was feeling now, but Rafael had a feeling that was for the best, anyway.

“Go home, Sonny.”

Carisi closed his eyes, and Rafael swallowed, hard, before letting him go. Carisi didn’t say anything else, but Rafael knew he wouldn’t.

Still, watching Carisi turn and walk out of his office might’ve been the hardest thing Rafael had ever had to do in all his centuries on Earth. And once Carisi was gone, he took a deep, steadying breath, and walked away as well, leaving Rafael Barba behind him.

* * *

 

Saying goodbye to Olivia wasn’t quite as hard as saying goodbye to Sonny, but it was the last thing Rafael knew he needed to do before he could finally disappear and leave everything behind him. But then Rita called out to him as he walked away from the courthouse, and he huffed a laugh.

“I knew it was too easy,” he muttered as she hurried to catch up with him.

“Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye?” she demanded. “I’ve stayed out of this whole — whatever is going on with you because it wasn’t my place, but you can’t just leave, Rafael.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Firstly, you and I both know this isn’t goodbye. Secondly, I have to leave, Rita. Rafael Barba’s done enough damage for my hundred year sentence and I doubt anyone in Hell would say otherwise.”

“Did you tell Det. Carisi what you are?”

Rafael stared at her. “No,” he said, after a long moment. “I thought about it, but in the end, I figured I had hurt him enough. I didn’t need to add that on top of it.”

Rita nodded slowly. “Ok,” she said simply.

“Ok,” Rafael echoed, giving her a small half-smile before turning away.

“Baraqiel.”

Rafael paused, something flickering in his expression. “I have not heard that name in an eon,” he said.

Rita smiled, though there was a sadness in her smile. “I thought hearing it now might remind you of your purpose.”

“My purpose, yes,” Rafael acknowledged, with a sadness of his own. “But it doesn’t change my path.”

Rita didn’t look surprised by that. “Where will you go?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said honestly, because in truth, he hadn’t even thought about his destination. “Somewhere far away from here. Until…”

He trailed off and Rita nodded in understanding. She knew that he would not return until Sonny’s mortal soul was no longer in danger, whether by Rafael’s hand or another’s. “And when the Powers that Be discover that you’ve abandoned your post?”

Rafael managed a smile approximating but not quite reaching his usual sharp smirk. “I Fell once before,” he said. “I don’t think anyone would be surprised by a little rebellion.”

Rita laughed lightly and shook her head. “Good luck,” she said, turning to head back into the courthouse.

“Caliel.” It was Rita’s turn to pause as Rafael used her given name. “Look after him, would you? Make sure what light he has left doesn’t get extinguished by everything he sees.”

Rita’s expression softened. “I will do what I can,” she promised in a low voice. “But there is little I can do for whatever darkness your leaving causes.”

Her unspoken meaning was clear: Rafael staying would heal more than anything Rita could attempt.

But Rafael just shook his head, squinting into the distance as he swallowed against the all-too-human emotions that welled within him. “Grief isn’t darkness,” he said, his voice low. “Because grief can only be achieved…”

He trailed off, unable to finish the thought, and Rita finished it for him. “By losing someone you love. And where there is love, there cannot be darkness.” She paused and gave Rafael a piercing look. “Something you might do well to remember.”

“I imagine I’ll have plenty of time to dwell on it,” Rafael said dryly, slowly backing away, his hands in his pockets. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

“See you when I see you.”

Rita’s voice was soft, and still Rafael’s shoulders hunched against the sound, against the weight of the words, against the things that had been left unsaid and undone.

But as Rafael walked away from the courthouse, he knew with every ounce of his immortal being that he was doing the right thing.

Which was an odd thing for a demon to be involved with, doing the right thing.

Then again, Rafael wasn’t a demon — he was a Fallen Angel.

And the difference had never perhaps been so clear.


End file.
